The Maverick Life

Over dinner one night with my friends as we were discussing, yet another failed relationship on my part, my married friends asked me why I thought people played such crazy games in order to find love. At the time I couldn’t honestly say, but as we talked even more on the subject and decided that it seemed the games people play were really sex games. The question of the night was simplified – “What’s your Sex Game?” In that moment, for me, the question became the ultimate metaphor for the games that people play on the road to finding love. And thus the adventure began in writing what I call the most interesting novel of my career. It was the book that came to be known as Sex Game and it all started in the fall of 2005.

Of course by now everybody knows the story of all the research I did for the novel – 18 months of dating and interviewing couples, hearing the sad and tragic stories of love that other people have endured. If you don’t know the full story you can always read it on the book website. At the end of it all I came back with a different perspective about what we all go through trying to find love in this fucked-up world and the most important thing I discovered was that I was not alone. We’ve all been in love at least once in our lives or at least cared about someone else so much that our own desires didn’t even matter because we just wanted to make them happy. And we’ve all had our hearts broken at one time, feeling an everlasting pain that leaves us wondering if we can ever be whole again. Figuring that part out made me realize the individual stories in Sex Game was everybody’s story.

There’s not one us that can’t identify with one of the stories in the book or for that matter one of the characters. That’s what makes the story great and not necessarily my writing style or clever dialogue. Although, don’t get me wrong, I think my style is good and my dialogue is witty, but I’m allowed to have an ego, right? Great stories should be universal and readers should be able to identify with Them, Because of this I am proud of the novel – I’m proud to have written this story. And of course who wouldn’t be proud of winning a National Literary Award, which I did in 2008. It was the 2008 Sexual Tales in Fiction Award from the National Literary Foundation or what has come to be known as the S.T.I.F. Award. Yeah, the award is funny, but to be recognized is a great thing.

Now do you want to know why I wrote this book? It wasn’t just to write a book with the word sex in the title so it would get noticed more. I wrote the book because I like the story and the questions that were being asked in the story fascinated me. But I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior especially when human beings do the most illogical things that never make sense and I guess it’s never truer than when it comes to love. What is it that William Shakespeare said about love, “love is the most beautiful of dreams, and the worst of nightmares?” If that’s really true then logic can be thrown right out the door most of the time and that’s when the story of love for us can get interesting.

Each of the characters in the book fascinates me even when I despise them. Probably because they’re all based on real people and people that I actually know. Some of them are even related to me. And what makes all of the characters deliciously intriguing, they’re all written as archetypes of the kind of people we really are. When I first wrote these characters I didn’t realize what I was doing, but then it dawned on me that all of the main characters were either, the naïve, the perfectionist, the playboy, the insecure, the nerd, the tragic, the do-gooder, the romantic, the flirt, or the fool. Truth be told, that’s all of us too – we each fit into one of these categories. Sometimes as a writer we don’t know how truthful and brilliant we’re being in our words. You know I personally when that happens it’s because the words we write are not for other people, they’re for ourselves and that makes the words so much better. That’s also when our characters become a mirror for us.

To me that’s what makes Sex Game such a great story and as the writer one of the most enjoyable stories I’ve ever written.  Now as funny as it might sound, I’m not one of those writers that looks for the approval of my readers. It’s great if people like it and yes I hope that most people do, but it’s enjoyable when people hate you and your book – so much so that they try to censor and ban the book. To this day I still can’t figure out why religious organizations think that it’s so controversial as to try and get it banned from book stores and libraries. Then again I guess organizations like AFA or the Christian Coalition or even the Censor the Book organization have to have something to complain about. And I’m glad they picked me to complain about – it was the best marketing I ever got when it came out in 2007. It is also rewarding to know your book is named one of the most censored and banned books three years in a row since 2007 even though their complaints of eroticism, promoting homosexuality, and godlessness in the book are unfounded.

After writing it I did figure out what my sex game is and I hope readers can figure out theirs. More importantly I figured out what not to do in order to make a relationship successful and that has served me well so far. The most important lesson was honesty – being able to be honest with who I really am and what I wanted in a relationship. That’s another thing I found out that people could take away from the story. I know that not everybody will think of Sex Game as a great story like I do, but I’m the writer, I’m supposed to think that. But you know, if we can take away some heartfelt and important lesson from a story like this then just maybe it has the mark of a great story…well, hopefully it does.

So here I am a few years later after the book was first written and it has been a wild ride so far.  It’s made me famous, but that’s only useful if it sells a few more books. The story is still just as powerful and enjoyable to me years later. I am still proud of it and if certain narrow-minded religious groups want to censor it then go right ahead. The world would be an imperfect place if we didn’t have imbeciles and fools in it who believe in censorship. And it is because of them that my publishing firm presents the RED edition of Sex Game. All in all I still believe in the words I wrote to this day that love is just a sex game and the game in life we play is the game of curiosity. The characters in this story best display that and just in case you’re wondering about the stories in this book, yes they really happened to a degree. Some things in life are too insane and ridiculous to be untrue. That’s just one more part of the game of curiosity in life.

And now that the RED edition is here I hope you enjoy the story. You just might see a part of yourself in it like I did. You just might learn something about love or at least be entertained by the sad sordid tragedies some of us endure when it comes to love. That’s just one more part of the Sex Game and a part of that question we all ask ourselves at some point –“What’s Your Sex Game?”

As I writer there are at least a dozen authors that I consider my heroes. More importantly they’re my teachers and helped me become who I am as an author.  For me I always like the rebellious egomaniacs – the authors that snubbed their nose at society and were never afraid to be themselves. And especially when these authors were looked upon as crackpots or perhaps too controversial, that too, is something I always liked bout these kinds of authors. They showed me, as young aspiring writer, years ago that the truth can be controversial at times.  Nobody showed this more to me than J.D. Salinger and today I am saddened.

“Holden Caulfield” is quiet today, but he will not stay that way forever. His rebellious voice will live on forever.” I am truly saddened today because J.D. Salinger died, he passed at 91. As a writer one of my heroes is gone…he had a unique voice in this so-called phony world and it will be missed dearly.  Today I felt like it was time I pull “The Catcher in the Rye” off the shelf and I can remember the first time I ever read it. I was teenager and someone told me that it was controversial and had been banned. So of course I had to read it because the curiosity of something being bad for me was too tempting not to partake of. And for this great novel, it was worth it because like most awkward and disenchanted teenagers I found a common voice in the book.

To this day I remember feeling after reading it that I was not alone, somebody else was angry and saw the world as this jaded place where truth and fiction collide, and where nothing seemed real. Salinger spoke to us in this kind of rebellious reverent tone through his antagonist Holden Caulfield telling us that it was okay to be mad at the way things were and perhaps there was a solution. The solution was in the inherent adventure that we call life and the road of life could take us anywhere even to underbelly of society. But Salinger also wrote that it is in those places that we can find a true sense of ourself.

J. D. Salinger may have been eccentric, he may have shunned the fame that goes with being one of the great voices of our time, and his peaceful hub in the universe may have been away from a society that considered him godlike, but nobody can deny what he gave us through literature. Holden Caulfield is one of the great anti establishment protagonists and for me what I liked best about this character is that he knew who he was when so many around him didn’t have a clue.  That is a rare quality and one of the marks of a great write is creating a character that becomes the mirror for everything we should be as individuals.

For me as a write I’ve always said that “The Catcher in the Rye” is one of the most influential pieces of literature and it spoke to me in my youth with great conviction.  And today that is still true. Its something that I think everybody should read at least once in their life. But even though J.D. Salinger is gone now the greatest compliment that a writer can ever have is knowing that our words will live forever and still resonate with later generations. I think Salinger would have liked that part because it’s your words that are famous and not necessarily the author and the words we write can be so much bigger than us.  But the great authors never escape the level of iconoclast and Salinger is certainly in that category.

Now the great rebellious voice of Caulfield is gone, but the truth is it will always live on. That’s the one thing Salinger cannot escape from even in death, but just as fame disgusted him the artistic influence he had should bring a smile to his face. And maybe nothing is more evident in that statement than the great anticipation we all have to hopefully read one day the unpublished novels he had locked away in his safe. From one writer to another, thank you for showing me how magical words can be and that the great art of writing is best seen in the truth that we write about the world around us.  And I challenge readers who are looking for some of the best words that tell the real story of the world around us to stroll by the fiction section in a bookstore and pick up a J. D. Salinger novel for your world will never be the same and that’s a good thing. Salinger, you will mourned and you will be missed.

What’s the sign that you’re getting too old when you’re 32? Is it when you can’t drink like you did in college or you’re not that good at beer pong anymore? Is when you want sleep more than you want sex – that’s not me at all! Perhaps it’s when you can’t play with your children without parts of your body aching that never ached before. That’s not me because I don’t have children…that I know of. For me the sign that I’m apparently getting old is when I get an AARP membership in the mail. That’s right, today I got my membership enrollment to the AARP and I still assume that you don’t qualify for it until you’re 50.

I was shocked to say the least. At first I thought it was a joke. My father does like to play those on me.  No, the AARP was serious and I don’t know whether to laugh or be insulted.  I’m not that old yet. I can still have fun, stay up past midnight, screw all night, and drink like a teenager on prom night.  Well maybe not the last one, but that’s nothing to be ashamed about and even if I could I would have a huge beer belly so thank God I don’t have that. After all, have to still look good for the ladies, and I’m prett y sure I can still accomplish that. If you don’t think so just check out my pictures!  Is this the part where I can still have an ego or does the AARP  membership at 32 ruin that?

Getting this AARP membership in the mail is kind of funny and if life is about little suggestions or helpful hints then maybe this is one of those moments for me. For my dad it was when I used my first curse word, but since I don’t have children this will have to do. When I turned 30 it wasn’t that shocking and I didn’t feel any different, maybe there’s an aftershock of two years. But the truth is since turning 32 years old here recently I have noticed a few things, but it isn’t enough to make me stop living. I’m still going to drink, I’m still going to screw and yes I will where a condom, I’m still going to stay up late, and I’m going  to drink the good stuff even though I might feel a little bit worse in the morning. Yes I put drinking in there twice because I like it and I’m good at it.  Besides God doesn’t like quitters so bring on that bottle of scotch!

And to you AARP, yes it may be funny that I get a membership 16 years early, but I don’t need it. Still going strong and you can’t get me down unlike my mother and father who were depressed that they actually qualified for it.  If Harrison Ford can still be Indiana Jones at 65 then I can still be the happy-go-lucky rebellious writer who has no limit of depravity to which you have all come to know. Just remember Charles Bukowski didn’t need an AARP membership either.  What AARP should be more concerned with is not that I need to enroll at 32, but how Mr. Obama’s healthcare plan is ruining your organization…how man people cancel their memberships each month now.  What can I say, I love being me and it sucks being you!

I thought it would be fun this week to talk about who has the right to get married and who doesn’t.  Now I know what you’re thinking, it’s another rant about gay marriage…and you would be right. Since a lawsuit has been filed within Federal court in San Francisco about the constitutionality of Prop 8 in California – the law banning gay marriage in California I figured its time to talk about the issue again.  This lawsuit is the starting point for the argument that will eventually be made before the United Stated Supreme court just like Roe vs. Wade almost 40 years ago. However this time instead of accusing Heterosexual Couples who want to ban marriage of being hypocrites because the divorce rate is so high I want to remind every body of the kind of people who do have the right to get married.

First let me make this point. Those who argue against marriage say that it’s immoral. They say that gay marriage violates the sanctity of marriage and that the only way for the institution to be upheld is that homosexuals cannot be allowed to marry.  It’s even argued that we’re not violating their civil rights because that’s only based on the discrimination of one’s gender, age or race. Yeah, one’s sexuality shouldn’t be considered a civil right even though you can deprive someone of their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness based on their sexuality.  But with all the debate about whether it’s an important issue or it should be left to states  to decide or that the word civil union means the same thing as the word marriage lets look at who does have the right to get married and then decide if morality should really be part of the argument on whether homosexuals should be allowed to marry.

Murderer’s can still get married

Even though you might be in prison you can still get married

Drug dealers can still get married

Again, doesn’t matter whether you’re a criminal

Child Molesters can still get married

Even if you’re a priest it still doesn’t matter because there’s no law that says you can’t marry as long as it’s not someone of the same sex. Its only a sin in the church.

Adulterers can still get married

Adultery is a sin according to the Ten Commandments, but there’s no law that says you can’t marry even though you can cheat on your spouse.

Tax evaders can still get married

This one includes the politicians that want to tax the shit out of us and not even pay their own taxes. Way to set a good example and preach about the virtues of liberty.

Parents who beat their kids can still be married.

They may have their children removed from the home for being unfit parents, but they can still remain married or get a divorce and marry someone else.

Mormons can still get married

They can even have more than one spouse, does that seem fair.

Are you seeing a pattern here? Its seems like the scum of the earth have the right to marry by law, but if you’re sexuality is s little bit different then of course, marriage is not allowed no matter how much you might love each other. Do you see the hypocrisy in that notion, but then again that seem to be what America is sometimes and it can take awhile to get over it?  90 years ago a woman couldn’t vote because being female was not on the same level as being a man, women were considered less in society. 60 years ago if you were a different skin color other than white then you didn’t have the same rights and separating you from the rest of society was the best thing. After all, separate but equal is the true essence of equality. That hypocrisy worked so well for us, I wonder what our first black president would think? Gay rights are the new civil rights and I think that in this day and age its time we just get over it. It doesn’t matter what you’re sexuality is were all equal and its not any different than when it comes to gender, race, or age.

Of course I will be chastised by the Christian right for what I say here. I will be looked upon as too liberal and perhaps too immoral.  That’s okay though because I’m okay with that. And even though I’m not on the “right” side of the issue according to some, what’s even more wrong than that is discriminating against someone for their sexuality – to deny someone in this country the right to be happy and to have the pursuit of happiness all because their lifestyle may be a little different. The Pursuit of Happiness …doesn’t that have something to do with liberty and you know I always hear a lot of talk from conservatives and liberals about ensuring liberty for the American people. If that’s something we really want in this country then why is gay marriage really an issue.

You know there are a lot of things that I don’t like, a lot of different lifestyles that I’m not comfortable with, but what right do I have to deny the rights of others – marriage and the opportunity to fall in love is the right of all mankind.  In fact what right do any of us have to deny the fundamental and natural rights of someone else? For those of you that like to use the moral argument on not allowing gay marriage there is a great quote in the Bible that I am reminded of…”he who is perfect and without sin cast the first stone.” If you’re out there, I would like to meet you and then I’ll give you a stone so that you can use it to deny the liberty, freedom, and the pursuit of happiness of those so-called homosexuals. Just something to think about!

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas and the US Government’s new motto is “bend over, happy holidays, we want to screw you over and over because we now give you healthcare reform.” Its something to think about this holiday season as the US Senate has now passed the new healthcare bill. Of course they and our fearless president would like for us to think that this is a great thing, but all they have given us is the appearance of something good while enslaving the American people to a socialist agenda with rising costs and higher taxes. Its going to be a Merry Christmas and a happy new year isn’t it despite our rear-end being a little sore. I personally love it when the government tries to give us a spanking for thinking for ourselves and not wanting to trust them at all. And this bill is a good reason why.

Now for those of you that have not heard the news. The Senate finally passed the major healthcare bill that we’re been promised by Mr. Obama and Uncle Joe Biden. While this may sound like a great thing, truth be told its probably the worst bill that the Obama Administration has passed. Not bad for your first year in office. What’s even more amazing, I’m a liberal and completely appalled by all of this. Why, because this bill doesn’t represent the true principles of liberalism. And no where in the tenants of liberalism does it say that wanting equal opportunity for people means that you give the store away for those that didn’t earn it or create an unfair advantage for one organization over another like the federal government. What’s Equal about that? This healthcare bill has gone against those principles of liberalism and here’s why.

How can you talk about a government run public option for health insurance and then force everybody to get some kind of healthcare insurance by fining them if they don’t. What options do people really have – go to jail if you don’t pay the fine or get insurance that you can’t afford or won’t help you at all. Thank You, I feel so much better about the kind of freedom you’re giving me when it comes to picking out the health insurance I want or to not have any at all. But never fear, if you’re like me and want to rebel against the system then the reward is getting free health care in prison since the that’s where somebody like me will be going when I don’t pay the fine. I’ll be in the patriot’s wing of the prison, how about you? Options are about the freedom to choose and that’s what America is all about from a philosophical standpoint. However, that’s the fairytale version; options in this country mean having a gun pointed at your head and being forced to choose. God Bless America.

My favorite part of the Healthcare bill is where businesses are fined for not providing health insurance for their employees. Never mind whether a business can afford it or not and it would be nice if every business could, but the reality is some can’t. The Democratic Party used to be the party of small businesses, helping them survive and exist, but congratulations, you’ve destroyed them with this kind of bill. Are you proud of that Mr. Obama? Who are you really working for the American people or the Republicans…I’m confused?

The fact is that we do need healthcare reform, but at what cost? Do we have to lose our freedom in the process? Do we have to be held hostage by what has finally become a socialist agenda and I can’t believe I’m saying that? How bad do you have to be when a liberal actually agrees with a right wing conservative? At first Barack Obama being accused of a socialist was just a republican insult, but now it’s actually become true with this new healthcare bill. And I can’t believe that I’m saying that. But that’s when you have a liberal president betray the very principles of the ideology. The only the other options for you when this happens are socialism or fascism and if Obama can achieve that he has something in common with Fidel Castro.

Now I’m in trouble, I just insulted the president and compared him to a fascist, but if the shoe fits, well, you know the rest. But Obama doesn’t have to be alone, the 57 Democrats and 3 Independents that voted for this monstrosity of a bill will be right there with you. It’s sad when the Republicans are on the right side of this bill and you know how much I hate that. Again, Democrats, how bad do you have to be on this bill to put the Republicans on the right side of the issue. You make me ashamed of ever having been a Democrat.

However, there is a bright side to all of this even if we can’t see it yet. In the New Year we will get to see the resiliency of Constitutions and I am talking about the tenth amendment.  The Tenth Amendment restates the Constitution’s principle of federalism by providing that powers not granted to the national government nor prohibited to the states by the constitution of the United States are reserved to the states or the people. Every state because of this amendment has the right to nullify the healthcare bill and each state does not have to allow it into law for their state. Wouldn’t that be something to see! While the 10^th amendment argument may sound like a bunch of right wing political talk it just might be the right argument this time. Even I, a liberal, have to admit that fact.

So what do we do now? Simple we don’t have to take it, we don’t have to accept it, and we can all get behind a major platform that Republicans, Libertarians, and Independents will have for the presidential election in 2012 – reverse this healthcare bill since it will not take effect until 2014.  And if the president doesn’t like this idea, well, he shouldn’t have supported such a horrible bill. He should have taken the time to write a bill that makes sense instead pushing something out that had the appearance of doing something good while his approval rating is slipping into the low forties and he’s trying to get re-elected three years early.  Do something good for the American people and you’ll get re-elected. Write a good healthcare plan and it won’t have to be called Obamacare with that snotty negative tone of voice.  And Mr. Obama  think about this while you’re wishing America a happy new year, with bad policies that can ruin the fabric of American life and low approval ratings, you’re now being compared to George W. Bush. How do you like them apples? Happy New Year Mr. President!